Shall We Fight? Thirteen Ways To Test A Friendship

Shall We Fight?  # 4 of 13 Ways to Test a Friendship

4.  Success

Problem  You get engaged to a honey-colored diving instructor, lose five pounds, and are offered a job as Liam Neeson't personal masseuse in Paris.  Suddenly two very close girlfriends are "busy or away from their desk"  when you call.  It hurts you not to be able to revel in your good news; it hurts them to even think about it.

Solutions  Share your great news but with sensitivity, and don't let it overshadow the events in the lives of your friends.  If you inspire the odd prickle of jealousy, perhaps you're boasting unduly (good fortune can make us momentarily oblivious).  True friends stick by you on the ascent as well as the descent in life.  They keep you real.

Shall We Fight? Thirteen Ways To Test A Friendship

Number Three of Thirteen

Rivalry

Problem  You work together, inspire each other, fire off work-relevant emails, share contacts, ideas, and even the same personal trainer.  You also watch each other like hawks for chinks in the armor and responses from your professional peers.  Under the surface of all this camaraderie are two women competing like crazy.

Solution  Sometimes admiration between peers slides into something altogether more cutthroat.  There is a difference between egging each other on and naked rivalry.  If work and friendship are bleeding into each other too aggressively, take steps to revive the interest you share outside the office.  If that fails, ask yourself what this friendship is really based on.

Shall We Fight? Thirteen Ways To Test A Friendship

Shall We Fight?

Number two of the thirteen ways to test a friendship

Problem  You made it to her wedding but missed the vows, you e-mail her needed resume advice only hours before the interview, you phone three times on a Sunday to say, "I'll be there soon,"  but it's dusk by the time you arrive with the croissants.

Solution  Being dependable is more important than anything else you have to give a friendship.  Respect your friend's time by not claiming it.  Simply stop making plans you can't meet and be superdiligent about keeping your word.

Shall We Fight? Thirteen Ways To Test A Friendship

1.  Problem:  You call your closes confidante for a light-hearted chat that deteriotes into a massive gripe about your commitment-phobic emotional bonsai of an ex-husband, the hairdresser who gave you squirrel-colored highlights, your aging spaniel who's incontinent, and the fact that Clinique has discontinued Rich & Raspy Red and...

Solution:  Sooner or later even the most patient friend will develop a whine allergy if all you do is use her as a sounding board.  Before you call up your best friend for a massive rambling kvetch, count to seventy-five.  Make a list of possible solutions, then make a cup of tea.  Doesn't that feel better?

Being a Woman

Being a woman brings many responsibilities.  There is the job, motherhood, being a daughter, a lover and a friend.  There are demands within these responsibilities and outside them.  Have you ever taken the time to list the things that you are responsible for in your life?  The things that keep your personality spunky and your womanhood desirable?

I have just a few ideas I'm going to list below, comment or email me any more that you might add.

We women think about our Balance, Strength, Well-Being and a killer wardrobe.  Womanhood is about solitude.  It's about stain removal.  It's about beauty, and what to do when feeling blue.  It's about attitude and atomizers, stock funds and stockings that match.  It's about life - your life and how to get it together.  It's about being smart, funny, refreshing, down-to-earth.  It's writing your own survival guide.  It's health, dating, money, career moves, style, sex, nutrition, responsibility, home decor, body image, friendships.  And, of course, we can't forget finding those indispensable three black dresses - one to seduce, one to succeed, one to slob out in.

What else is there?

What's the main reason why you haven't achieved your goals in the past?

Take This Poll 

What's the main reason why you haven't achieved your goals in the past?

You have vague desires instead of specific, measurable, time-bound goals.

Your belief system has stopped you from going after what you really want.

Your self-image is not aligned with what you want to achieve.

You try to tackle too many goals at once and leave them all half-finished.

You're afraid of failing and of making mistakes.

You're afraid of success.

You're still waiting for everything to be "just right" before you get started.

You're afraid of rejection.

You don't know how to achieve your goals.

You ran into an obstacle and you quit.

You don't have enough time.

You don't have the money.

You failed to take action; you didn't follow-through.

You lost your motivation before you reached the finish line.

Basic Rule #1: What's in a name?

Good-bye, Notowidigeo.  Hello.  Sastroamidjojo.
At the U.S. State Department, foreign names are almost as crucial as foreign policy.  The social secretary to a former secretary of state recalls that even in the relatively unselfconscious 1950s, she put herself through a rigorous rehearsal of names before every affair of state.  Of all the challenges, she says, the ambassador from what was then Ceylon (now Sri Lanka) was the toughest.  After days of practicing "Ambassador Notowidigeo," she was informed that a new man had the job - and was on his way to be received.  "You'd be surprised how fast you can memorize Sastroamidjojo when you have to," she adds.
The first transaction between even ordinary citizens - and the first chance to make an impression for better or worse - is, of course, an exchange of names.  In America there usually is not very much to get wrong.  And even if you do, so what?
Not so elsewhere.  Especially in the Eastern Hemisphere, where name frequently denotes social rank or family status, a mistake can be an outright insult.  So can switching to a given name without the other person's permission, even when you thing the situation calls for it.
"What would you like me to call you?"  is always the opening line of one overseas deputy director for an international telecommunications corporation.  "Better to ask several times," he advises, "than to get it wrong."  Even then, "I err on the side of formality until asked to 'Call me Joe'.  Another frequent traveler insists his country by country, surnames underlined, to be memorized on the flight over.

Doing your homework and practicing people's names can save you embarrassment.