There was a time when "we're not dressing" meant "black tie instead of white". Now if you clue your guests this way, they're as likely to turn up in undress-blue-jeans as in dinner-jackets. More likely they will call confused and wonder what kind of party you are hosting.
As a host, you have no problem of deciding what to wear. You issued the invitations - and if the clothes were to be different than the usual clothes for your community for that time of the day and year, you said so.
In a word, wear what your guest expect you to wear. Don't embarrass them by outdressing them; they may feel that they haven't given your party the importance you expected it to have. But don't under-dress, or you imply a lack of effort for a party they took quite seriously.
You know your community - and the clothing for Friday night chez vous are quite different in New York City than they are, say, in Southern California. (Who said, "Thank goodness!")
And you know your friends. If a particular, successful manufacturer hates and resents white shirts and ties in off-business hours, tell his wife when you invite him to anything but your Opera Ball, "Have Bo wear a sports shirt, of course," and follow the cue yourself. On the other hand, you work a hardship when you suggest a sports jacket to an Eastern-bred city-ite who feels it disrespectful to his hostess (albeit a suburban one) to appear for dinner in less than a dark suit and white shirt.
The best way to out-guess both sides of this problem is the way these gentlemen dress when they entertain at home. And the obvious moral, if you want both to be comfortable, is - never invite them to the same dinner-party.
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