Other Ways to Communicate

Here's a Tip:  Watch the eyes.  A person's eyes will tell you if he or she is comprehending what you are saying.

Watch the eyes.  The eyes are especially important part of communications.  In fact, watch for all types of body language.  Social scientist claim that fully 60 percent of our daily communication is nonverbal.  But the eyes are especially important.  Among some cultures, it is believed that the eyes are the windows of the soul.  And when trying to communicate, a person's eyes will tell you much about comprehension.  The exception is among Asian cultures, where direct eye contact is considered impolite.
If another person's eyes glaze over when you are talking, stop, retreat, and retrace your verbal steps to try to regain attention.
Other  body signs to look for:  a person who nods as you speak is usually comprehending, even agreeing; yet a person who thrusts out their chin is usually showing defiance.  Also, when you are conversing, don't be afraid to be expressive with your face and hands in order to accentuate your words.

Speak slowly and distinctly.  It is said you can determine who the experienced professionals are by the slow pace of their speech.

Just some things to think about and practice while conversing with others.

Keep the Celebration Going

You can set the table perfectly, buy a beautiful dessert, open a fantastic bottle of wine and still not celebrate.  Celebrations come from the heart.  It is gratitude during the tango.  It is a Jack-in-the-box-of-joy.  It is unabashed exultation in the delight of connecting with a friend.  Better fried chicken in the company of your closest companions than chateau-briand in the mansion of an enemy.  Real celebration cannot be manufactured, nor would you ever want it to be.  it is authentic, spontaneous, and deeply spiritual.  It is a smile that begins in your soul.  Give yourself permission to celebrate your friendships.  Let go.  Make a big deal over them.  Go ahead, fuss a little.  You can always go back to humdrum tomorrow.  It will still be there.  Today, make the most of your fresh new life, and celebrate.

Recipe:

I bought a recipe book years ago while living in New England.  Many of the recipes I have made for friends have come from the book.  This particular dessert is one of my favorites.  I have used every flavor combination of ice cream and frozen yogurt you can imagine, as well as chocolate crusts and graham crusts, and it is always a success.  You can't mess this on up!

Toffee Ice Cream Torte

1 cup almond macaroon crumbs
2 tablespoons melted butter
1 quart chocolate ice cream, slightly softened
1 cup fudge sauce
1 quart coffee ice cream, slightly softened
4 Heath toffee bars, coarsely chopped

Combine macaroon crumbs and butter, and press on bottom of a 9-inch springform pan.  Bake at 350 for 8 to 10 minutes or until golden.  Cool.  Spread chocolate ice cream evenly on crust; drizzle with half of fudge sauce, and freeze until firm.  Spread with coffee ice cream, and sprinkle with chopped toffee bars. Drizzle with remaining fudge sauce.  Cover and freeze until firm.
To serve, remove from freezer several minutes before slicing.  Cut into wedges with a hot, wet knife.  Serves 8-12 (or two good friends for three days).

The Overzealous Parent

Have you noticed your neighbors or good friends turn beastly when their kids are in competitive activities? Normally polite and pleasant parents can find themselves "one upping" the other kids and parents when there is a competition to win and their child is involved.  The problem is often that parents project their fears of failure onto their children and that modern society supports "winning is everything" thinking.  That is what my "how-to-parent" books tell me.  Sadly, overzealous parents generally do more harm than good, embarrassing young players and sapping all the fun out of the competitions.  You can't do much to control other parents, but keep the following recommendations in mind when you are on the sidelines, (this list is from an Elementary School Counselor):

Leave the coaching to the coach.  Shouting negative comments and instructions at the adult in charge will confuse your child. (Which adult is she supposed to listen to - you or the coach?)  Aggressive sideline coaching sets a bad example anyway, it destroys their confidence and can harm their performance.

Don't criticize referees and judges.  You will disagree with a referee's calls on occasion, but keep the criticism to yourself.  Even if you think a referee was completely off base, don't convey your hostile feelings to your child.  You can discuss a decision with your child, but stick to the action itself ("I don't think the ref saw Max touch home plate")  and never indulge in personal insults.

Compliment the opposition.  If the other team is playing particularly well, remark on their skills.  Showing your appreciation for other children is not a betrayal of your own child, but it is an essential of good sportsmanship and good manners.

Stay clear of tantrum-throwing parents.  You can't reason with a furious parent.  But if you know the person, you may want to speak with him about the behavior at another, calmer time.  If a parent is throwing things or seems physically threatening, get the authorities immediately;  don't take on an out-of control spectator by yourself.   Explain the situation to your child as best you can - "Mr. Thomas forgot his good manners when he was yelling at the coach" - and be sure your child knows that you don't approve of the behavior.

Showing self control at every age is important to teach your child.  As you teach them these principles keep in mind that good sportsmanship is a quality of moral, ethical and yes, highly successful people.

Time To Purge

From the desk of:  Rebecca Mannerly

MEMO:

Oops, Your Manners Are Showing!

Manners Matter in the Office

It is time for a desk purge!

It's said that in an average lifetime we spend one whole year riffling through papers.  If your computer is aflutter with Post-its and you can no longer see your desk, purge!

Use your desk for active projects only - the stuff you are working on right now.  Your work space needs to be orderly enough for a coworker to find materials in your absence.

Make a list of unfinished tasks, uncomfortable phone calls, and delayed responses to memos.  Aim to get the beastly list dealt with within a realistic time frame - three or four days max.

Try to concentrate information.  Transfer notes, memos, phone numbers, and flashes of brilliance to one master list on paper, and one on your computer.  For large projects keep relevant numbers, key names, addresses, objectives, aims and details on one page and in one computer file.

For paper documents, vertical files are better than wire trays.

Give computer files clear, relevant names.  Poetic or cryptic names are a nightmare to decode months later.

Use technology intelligently.  Learn how to reduce complicated, repetitive tasks to one keystroke.  Every office has a techno nerd; buy her lunch and then heed her wisdom.  She can save you hours.

If your job entails research and information gathering but you are Internet-ignorant, take an intensive weekend course.

You can do this!  Think how much better you will feel with a clean, clear and organized desk.  You can get to the important task of the day.  

Do you Procrastinate?

I am not a practicing procrastinator.  I will say I have been less than motivated in life but procrastination gets on my last nerve.  If you believe you can sway me and change my mind with a good argument for the positives in procrastination, please do give it your best try.  I will listen.  Here is my argument against.

Procrastinators work on the panic principle.  The delay-button person will work themselves into a corner and then fight their way out, pounding their chest like a hero when the job is done.  Their fear of failure translates into something like this:  "If I only work at the eleventh hour and it's not a success, well, I didn't have enough time to do a really good job."  This habit of winging it starts in school, where last-minute cramming for exams is the norm, but take this attitude into life and it creates problems,  If you succeed, you never know if it really was your best shot, if you fail, you always have a built-in excuse.  It takes much more courage to really give yourself a chance to success, to prepare, to spend the necessary time, and then to see what the outcome is.  You just might be pleasantly surprised by the result.

When you break with procrastination, you give your central nervous system, ego and emotions a chance to breathe out.  Creativity blossoms in a non-pressured environment; ideas are able to cruise rather than race.  Instead of whipping yourself about not working, you work.  Simple.  The sheer relief of doing something rather than freaking out about it creates a powerful surge of energy.  Like diving into a pool swiftly, it is much less agonizing than tarrying at the water's edge.

There is a counter-theory about procrastination.  Some argue that time spent, for example, musing in the tub is actually a necessary gestation period for an idea to reach fruition.  This theory is dangerous to chronic dawdlers and plain nonsense to simple tasks that demand time, not genius.  Okay, So I have read that Charles Darwin went on long, long garden walks to nut out his theory of evolution, and perhaps he even daydreamed, but he didn't go near a TV set!  Besides, putting off a task allows its importance to inflate in your mind.  If you can't attack a project you dread directly, then at least start nibbling at its edges.  Take your reading material into the tub, keep ideas percolating by talking them over with a friend, or make a detailed list before falling asleep.  When you finally do have the guts to start, it won't be from absolute scratch.

You'll know that your gestation period has become dangerous procrastination when preparatory notes exceed the length of the assignment or you find yourself scrubbing the grout in your bathroom with a toothbrush.  Never let more than an hour pass between think-tank and action.  Those are just my thoughts about it.  Do you procrastinate?

I have been thinking a great deal about job hunting again.  I recently began working on my online resume, and pulling together contacts from my years of working.  Recalling my jobs and coworkers got me thinking about both sides of employment;  getting a job and then maintaining and keeping the job.  I'd like to share are my thoughts.

Landing a job requires diligence and patience; keeping a job requites sustaining that diligence and being able to bend to conditions, demands, and people as they change.  Because many small parts make up the whole of your career, even the most minor altercation in the lowliest position of a company can come back to haunt you later.  Think about building a reputation for being professional and nice to work these will help you get strong references and valuable contacts for life.

Demeanor is also important.  If you go to work smiling but actually resent everyone present, it's going to show up in strong body language.  To work well in an office, it pays to get in touch with your feelings and try to resolve them instead of unconsciously offloading them.

Instinct, diplomacy, kindness, patience, and restraint are the unsung emotional skills that are invaluable at work.  So is timing.  Knowing when to reach out to a workmate and when not to interrupt is a skill well worth cultivating.  Just because you are all around the same age, doesn't mean you can drop your guard.  Build your allies and work relationships slowly.  Trust is something that is tested over time.

Try to moderate your moods.  If you work from crisis to crisis and have frequent stress-head outbursts, you're exhausting your own energy reserves and putting others on edge.  Conflict does not have to be dealt with via fiery confrontational exchanges.  It really does make sense to not sweat the small stuff, and relaxed productivity is kinder on everyone.  Concentrate energies instead, on your own qualities and be a little more generous and have mercy toward others.  Tone bad moods down.

Does this help you think about your office situation?  Do you have an experience to share?  Good luck out there.  Remember your Manners Matter

You Are Not What You Earn

Often the best and most useful jobs in the world do not reflect their worth in monetary terms.  Compare the income of a person who works in a women's shelter with that of a multinational CEO or a trashy radio DJ. The world needs people with consciences in caring employment.  This does not imply that you do not deserve a better wage or should not voice the right to equal pay, but sometimes exorbitant salaries involve exorbitant compromise.  Know your needs, know your values, and try your best to wed the two.

Have You Forgotten How to Live and Enjoy Your Life?

Have you been so wrapped up in work or taking care of your children or stressed over financial issues that you've forgotten how to live and enjoy your life?

You may be in so much emotional distress that you think you have no life; all you are is your pain and stress.  That's not even true.  You are more than your stress.  You can be more than your financial problems.  You will be more than your care-taking title.  Just because life has been stressful or painful so far does not mean it will stay that way.  Life does not have to hurt so much, and it won't, if you begin to change.  Well, it might not be all roses from here on out, but it sure doesn't have to be all thorns either.  You need to and can develop your own life,  you know, "Get a life."

Have you ever thought that life has no future, no purpose, nothing worth living?  That isn't true.  Either believe God has exciting, interesting things in store for you and that there is an enjoyable, worthwhile purpose - besides taking care of people - for you.  I think you can tap into this new attitude by taking care of yourself.  When will you begin to open yourself up to the goodness and richness available in you and to you?

Self-care and developing your own life, are attitudes toward yourself and a life that says, I am responsible for myself.  I am responsible for living my life.  I am responsible for tending to my spiritual, emotional, physical and financial well-being.  I am responsible for identifying and meeting my needs.  I am responsible for solving my problems and learning to live with those I cannot solve.  I am responsible for my choices.  I am responsible for what I give and receive.  I am also responsible for setting and achieving my goals.  I'm responsible for how much I enjoy life, for how much pleasure I find in daily activities.  I am responsible for whom I love and how I choose to express this love.  I am responsible for what I do to others and for what I allow others to do to me.  I am responsible for my wants and desires.  All of me, every aspect of my being, is important.  I count for something.  I matter.  My feelings can be trusted.  My thinking is appropriate.  I value my wants and needs.  I do not deserve and will not tolerate abuse or constant mistreatment.  I have rights,  and it is my responsibility to assert these rights.  The decisions I make and the way I conduct myself will reflect my high self-esteem.  My decisions will take into account my responsibilities to myself.

My decisions will also take into account my responsibilities to other people - my spouse, my children, my relatives, my friends.  I will examine and decide exactly what these responsibilities are as I make my decisions.  I will also consider the rights of those around me - the right to live their lives as they see fit.   I do not have the right to impose on others' rights to take care of themselves, and they have no right to impose on my rights.
Self-care is an attitude of mutual respect.  You can learn to live your live responsibly.  You can allow others to live their lives as they choose, as long as they don't interfere with your decisions to live as you choose.  Taking care of yourself is not as selfish as some people assume it is, but neither is it as selfless as many believe.

These ideas might shock you and your family at first especially if you are not one to ask for what you need.  Have you given much thought to what you want and need?  There are ways to take care of yourself:  goal setting, dealing with feelings, and believing in yourself.  I think taking care of yourself is an art, and this art involves one fundamental idea that is probably foreign to you: give yourself what you need.