The Overzealous Parent

Have you noticed your neighbors or good friends turn beastly when their kids are in competitive activities? Normally polite and pleasant parents can find themselves "one upping" the other kids and parents when there is a competition to win and their child is involved.  The problem is often that parents project their fears of failure onto their children and that modern society supports "winning is everything" thinking.  That is what my "how-to-parent" books tell me.  Sadly, overzealous parents generally do more harm than good, embarrassing young players and sapping all the fun out of the competitions.  You can't do much to control other parents, but keep the following recommendations in mind when you are on the sidelines, (this list is from an Elementary School Counselor):

Leave the coaching to the coach.  Shouting negative comments and instructions at the adult in charge will confuse your child. (Which adult is she supposed to listen to - you or the coach?)  Aggressive sideline coaching sets a bad example anyway, it destroys their confidence and can harm their performance.

Don't criticize referees and judges.  You will disagree with a referee's calls on occasion, but keep the criticism to yourself.  Even if you think a referee was completely off base, don't convey your hostile feelings to your child.  You can discuss a decision with your child, but stick to the action itself ("I don't think the ref saw Max touch home plate")  and never indulge in personal insults.

Compliment the opposition.  If the other team is playing particularly well, remark on their skills.  Showing your appreciation for other children is not a betrayal of your own child, but it is an essential of good sportsmanship and good manners.

Stay clear of tantrum-throwing parents.  You can't reason with a furious parent.  But if you know the person, you may want to speak with him about the behavior at another, calmer time.  If a parent is throwing things or seems physically threatening, get the authorities immediately;  don't take on an out-of control spectator by yourself.   Explain the situation to your child as best you can - "Mr. Thomas forgot his good manners when he was yelling at the coach" - and be sure your child knows that you don't approve of the behavior.

Showing self control at every age is important to teach your child.  As you teach them these principles keep in mind that good sportsmanship is a quality of moral, ethical and yes, highly successful people.