Shall We Fight? # 4 of 13 Ways to Test a Friendship
4. Success
Problem You get engaged to a honey-colored diving instructor, lose five pounds, and are offered a job as Liam Neeson't personal masseuse in Paris. Suddenly two very close girlfriends are "busy or away from their desk" when you call. It hurts you not to be able to revel in your good news; it hurts them to even think about it.
Solutions Share your great news but with sensitivity, and don't let it overshadow the events in the lives of your friends. If you inspire the odd prickle of jealousy, perhaps you're boasting unduly (good fortune can make us momentarily oblivious). True friends stick by you on the ascent as well as the descent in life. They keep you real.
Saturday, March 26, 2011
Shall We Fight? Thirteen Ways To Test A Friendship
Number Three of Thirteen
Rivalry
Problem You work together, inspire each other, fire off work-relevant emails, share contacts, ideas, and even the same personal trainer. You also watch each other like hawks for chinks in the armor and responses from your professional peers. Under the surface of all this camaraderie are two women competing like crazy.
Solution Sometimes admiration between peers slides into something altogether more cutthroat. There is a difference between egging each other on and naked rivalry. If work and friendship are bleeding into each other too aggressively, take steps to revive the interest you share outside the office. If that fails, ask yourself what this friendship is really based on.
Rivalry
Problem You work together, inspire each other, fire off work-relevant emails, share contacts, ideas, and even the same personal trainer. You also watch each other like hawks for chinks in the armor and responses from your professional peers. Under the surface of all this camaraderie are two women competing like crazy.
Solution Sometimes admiration between peers slides into something altogether more cutthroat. There is a difference between egging each other on and naked rivalry. If work and friendship are bleeding into each other too aggressively, take steps to revive the interest you share outside the office. If that fails, ask yourself what this friendship is really based on.
Shall We Fight? Thirteen Ways To Test A Friendship
Shall We Fight?
Number two of the thirteen ways to test a friendship
Problem You made it to her wedding but missed the vows, you e-mail her needed resume advice only hours before the interview, you phone three times on a Sunday to say, "I'll be there soon," but it's dusk by the time you arrive with the croissants.
Solution Being dependable is more important than anything else you have to give a friendship. Respect your friend's time by not claiming it. Simply stop making plans you can't meet and be superdiligent about keeping your word.
Number two of the thirteen ways to test a friendship
Problem You made it to her wedding but missed the vows, you e-mail her needed resume advice only hours before the interview, you phone three times on a Sunday to say, "I'll be there soon," but it's dusk by the time you arrive with the croissants.
Solution Being dependable is more important than anything else you have to give a friendship. Respect your friend's time by not claiming it. Simply stop making plans you can't meet and be superdiligent about keeping your word.
Friday, March 25, 2011
Shall We Fight? Thirteen Ways To Test A Friendship
1. Problem: You call your closes confidante for a light-hearted chat that deteriotes into a massive gripe about your commitment-phobic emotional bonsai of an ex-husband, the hairdresser who gave you squirrel-colored highlights, your aging spaniel who's incontinent, and the fact that Clinique has discontinued Rich & Raspy Red and...
Solution: Sooner or later even the most patient friend will develop a whine allergy if all you do is use her as a sounding board. Before you call up your best friend for a massive rambling kvetch, count to seventy-five. Make a list of possible solutions, then make a cup of tea. Doesn't that feel better?
Solution: Sooner or later even the most patient friend will develop a whine allergy if all you do is use her as a sounding board. Before you call up your best friend for a massive rambling kvetch, count to seventy-five. Make a list of possible solutions, then make a cup of tea. Doesn't that feel better?
Being a Woman
Being a woman brings many responsibilities. There is the job, motherhood, being a daughter, a lover and a friend. There are demands within these responsibilities and outside them. Have you ever taken the time to list the things that you are responsible for in your life? The things that keep your personality spunky and your womanhood desirable?
I have just a few ideas I'm going to list below, comment or email me any more that you might add.
We women think about our Balance, Strength, Well-Being and a killer wardrobe. Womanhood is about solitude. It's about stain removal. It's about beauty, and what to do when feeling blue. It's about attitude and atomizers, stock funds and stockings that match. It's about life - your life and how to get it together. It's about being smart, funny, refreshing, down-to-earth. It's writing your own survival guide. It's health, dating, money, career moves, style, sex, nutrition, responsibility, home decor, body image, friendships. And, of course, we can't forget finding those indispensable three black dresses - one to seduce, one to succeed, one to slob out in.
What else is there?
I have just a few ideas I'm going to list below, comment or email me any more that you might add.
We women think about our Balance, Strength, Well-Being and a killer wardrobe. Womanhood is about solitude. It's about stain removal. It's about beauty, and what to do when feeling blue. It's about attitude and atomizers, stock funds and stockings that match. It's about life - your life and how to get it together. It's about being smart, funny, refreshing, down-to-earth. It's writing your own survival guide. It's health, dating, money, career moves, style, sex, nutrition, responsibility, home decor, body image, friendships. And, of course, we can't forget finding those indispensable three black dresses - one to seduce, one to succeed, one to slob out in.
What else is there?
Thursday, March 24, 2011
What's the main reason why you haven't achieved your goals in the past?
Take This Poll
What's the main reason why you haven't achieved your goals in the past?
Basic Rule #1: What's in a name?
Good-bye, Notowidigeo. Hello. Sastroamidjojo.
At the U.S. State Department, foreign names are almost as crucial as foreign policy. The social secretary to a former secretary of state recalls that even in the relatively unselfconscious 1950s, she put herself through a rigorous rehearsal of names before every affair of state. Of all the challenges, she says, the ambassador from what was then Ceylon (now Sri Lanka) was the toughest. After days of practicing "Ambassador Notowidigeo," she was informed that a new man had the job - and was on his way to be received. "You'd be surprised how fast you can memorize Sastroamidjojo when you have to," she adds.
The first transaction between even ordinary citizens - and the first chance to make an impression for better or worse - is, of course, an exchange of names. In America there usually is not very much to get wrong. And even if you do, so what?
Not so elsewhere. Especially in the Eastern Hemisphere, where name frequently denotes social rank or family status, a mistake can be an outright insult. So can switching to a given name without the other person's permission, even when you thing the situation calls for it.
"What would you like me to call you?" is always the opening line of one overseas deputy director for an international telecommunications corporation. "Better to ask several times," he advises, "than to get it wrong." Even then, "I err on the side of formality until asked to 'Call me Joe'. Another frequent traveler insists his country by country, surnames underlined, to be memorized on the flight over.
Doing your homework and practicing people's names can save you embarrassment.
At the U.S. State Department, foreign names are almost as crucial as foreign policy. The social secretary to a former secretary of state recalls that even in the relatively unselfconscious 1950s, she put herself through a rigorous rehearsal of names before every affair of state. Of all the challenges, she says, the ambassador from what was then Ceylon (now Sri Lanka) was the toughest. After days of practicing "Ambassador Notowidigeo," she was informed that a new man had the job - and was on his way to be received. "You'd be surprised how fast you can memorize Sastroamidjojo when you have to," she adds.
The first transaction between even ordinary citizens - and the first chance to make an impression for better or worse - is, of course, an exchange of names. In America there usually is not very much to get wrong. And even if you do, so what?
Not so elsewhere. Especially in the Eastern Hemisphere, where name frequently denotes social rank or family status, a mistake can be an outright insult. So can switching to a given name without the other person's permission, even when you thing the situation calls for it.
"What would you like me to call you?" is always the opening line of one overseas deputy director for an international telecommunications corporation. "Better to ask several times," he advises, "than to get it wrong." Even then, "I err on the side of formality until asked to 'Call me Joe'. Another frequent traveler insists his country by country, surnames underlined, to be memorized on the flight over.
Doing your homework and practicing people's names can save you embarrassment.
Story #3 One Country's Good Manners, Another's Grand Faux Pas
An account executive at an international data processing and electronics conglomerate.
Even in a country run by generals, would you believe a runny nose could get you arrested?
"A friend and I were coming into Colombia on business after a weekend in the Peruvian mountain touring Machu Picchu. What a sight that had been. And what a head cold the change in temperature had given my friend. As we proceeded through Customs at the airport, he was wheezing and blowing into his handkerchief like an active volcano. Next thing I knew, two armed guards were lockstepping him through the door. I tried to intercede before the door slammed shut, but my spotty Spanish failed me completely. Inside a windowless room with the guards, so did his. He shouted in English. They shouted in Spanish. It was beginning to look like a bad day in Bogota when a Columbian woman who had seen what happened burst into the room and finally achieved some bilingual understanding. It seems all that sniffling in the land of the infamous coca leaf had convinced the guards that my friend was waltzing through their airport snorting cocaine."
Study the culture well before going to visit.
Even in a country run by generals, would you believe a runny nose could get you arrested?
"A friend and I were coming into Colombia on business after a weekend in the Peruvian mountain touring Machu Picchu. What a sight that had been. And what a head cold the change in temperature had given my friend. As we proceeded through Customs at the airport, he was wheezing and blowing into his handkerchief like an active volcano. Next thing I knew, two armed guards were lockstepping him through the door. I tried to intercede before the door slammed shut, but my spotty Spanish failed me completely. Inside a windowless room with the guards, so did his. He shouted in English. They shouted in Spanish. It was beginning to look like a bad day in Bogota when a Columbian woman who had seen what happened burst into the room and finally achieved some bilingual understanding. It seems all that sniffling in the land of the infamous coca leaf had convinced the guards that my friend was waltzing through their airport snorting cocaine."
Study the culture well before going to visit.
Story # 2 of "One Country's Good Manners, is Another's Grand Faux Pas
Story #2: An associate in charge of family planning for an international human welfare organization
The lady steps out in her dazzling new necklace and everybody dies laughing. (Or what not to wear in Togo on a Saturday night.)
"From growing up in Cuba to joining the Peace Corps to my present work, I've spent most of my life in the Third World. So nobody should know better than I how to dress for it. Certainly one of the silliest mistakes an outsider can make is to dress up in 'native' costume, whether it's a sari or a sombrero, unless you really know what you're doing. Yet, in Togo, when I found some of the most beautiful beads I'd ever seen, it never occurred to me not to wear them. While I was up-country, I seized the first grand occasion to flaunt my new find. What I didn't know is that locally the beads are worn not at the neck but at the waist - to hold up a sort of loincloth under the skirt. So, into the party I strutted, wearing around my neck what to every Togolese eye was part of a pair of underpants.
Study and ask locals about the items you purchase.
The lady steps out in her dazzling new necklace and everybody dies laughing. (Or what not to wear in Togo on a Saturday night.)
"From growing up in Cuba to joining the Peace Corps to my present work, I've spent most of my life in the Third World. So nobody should know better than I how to dress for it. Certainly one of the silliest mistakes an outsider can make is to dress up in 'native' costume, whether it's a sari or a sombrero, unless you really know what you're doing. Yet, in Togo, when I found some of the most beautiful beads I'd ever seen, it never occurred to me not to wear them. While I was up-country, I seized the first grand occasion to flaunt my new find. What I didn't know is that locally the beads are worn not at the neck but at the waist - to hold up a sort of loincloth under the skirt. So, into the party I strutted, wearing around my neck what to every Togolese eye was part of a pair of underpants.
Study and ask locals about the items you purchase.
One Country's Good Manners is Another's Grand Faux pas
In Washington they call protocol "etiquette with a government expense account." But diplomacy isn't just for diplomats. How you behave in other people's countries reflects on more than you alone. It also brightens - or dims - the image of where you come from and whom you work for. The Ugly American about whom we used to read so much may be dead, but here and there the ghost still wobbles out of the closet.
What follows is from three American well-traveled readers. Their stories tell how even an old pro can sometimes make the wrong move in the wrong place at the wrong time.
Story # 1: A partner in one of New York's leading private banking firms
When the board chairman is Lo Win Hao, do you smile brightly and say "How do you do, Mr. Hao?" or "Mr. Lo"? Or "Mr. Win"?
"I traveled nine thousand miles to meet a client and arrived with my foot in my mouth. Determined to do things right, I'd memorized the names of the key men I was to see in Singapore. Now easy job, insomuch as the names all came in threes. So, of course, I couldn't resist showing off that I'd done my homework. I began by addressing top man Lo Win Hao with plenty of well-placed Mr. Hao's - and sprinkled the rest of my remarks with a Mr. Chee this and Mr. Woon that. Great show. Until a note was passed to me from one man I'd met before, in New York. Bad news. 'Too friendly too soon, Mr. Long', it said. Where diffidence is next to godliness, there I was, calling a roomful of VIP's in effect, Mr. Ed and Mr. Charlie. I'd remembered everybody's name - but forgotten that in Chinese the surname comes first and the given name last."
What follows is from three American well-traveled readers. Their stories tell how even an old pro can sometimes make the wrong move in the wrong place at the wrong time.
Story # 1: A partner in one of New York's leading private banking firms
When the board chairman is Lo Win Hao, do you smile brightly and say "How do you do, Mr. Hao?" or "Mr. Lo"? Or "Mr. Win"?
"I traveled nine thousand miles to meet a client and arrived with my foot in my mouth. Determined to do things right, I'd memorized the names of the key men I was to see in Singapore. Now easy job, insomuch as the names all came in threes. So, of course, I couldn't resist showing off that I'd done my homework. I began by addressing top man Lo Win Hao with plenty of well-placed Mr. Hao's - and sprinkled the rest of my remarks with a Mr. Chee this and Mr. Woon that. Great show. Until a note was passed to me from one man I'd met before, in New York. Bad news. 'Too friendly too soon, Mr. Long', it said. Where diffidence is next to godliness, there I was, calling a roomful of VIP's in effect, Mr. Ed and Mr. Charlie. I'd remembered everybody's name - but forgotten that in Chinese the surname comes first and the given name last."
Wednesday, March 23, 2011
Do's and Taboos Around the World
My parents are going to visit Iceland this May. That got me thinking about the protocol of that country. I did some research and found this:
In Iceland
General Protocol:
Service charges are included in restaurant bills and tipping is considered an insult.
Names and Greetings:
Icelanders use first names among themselves, but they expect foreigners to use their last name and will use last names when speaking to foreigners. In many cases they will soon go over to using first names.
Appointments and Punctuality:
Business appointments are not usually necessary, as a tradition of "dropping in" prevails. Punctuality is not a must.
Hospitality and Gift Giving:
It is common, but not compulsory, to take a small gift for the host or hostess when you are invited to a meal.
These are interestingly different behaviors than in America. Until they go and experience it first hand they will not know if it really is different feeling to them. Have you traveled somewhere and been warned about a behavior that is different in another country and it made you uneasy? Email me or leave a comment. I'd love to read what you have to share.
MannersMatter@gmail.com
In Iceland
General Protocol:
Service charges are included in restaurant bills and tipping is considered an insult.
Names and Greetings:
Icelanders use first names among themselves, but they expect foreigners to use their last name and will use last names when speaking to foreigners. In many cases they will soon go over to using first names.
Appointments and Punctuality:
Business appointments are not usually necessary, as a tradition of "dropping in" prevails. Punctuality is not a must.
Hospitality and Gift Giving:
It is common, but not compulsory, to take a small gift for the host or hostess when you are invited to a meal.
These are interestingly different behaviors than in America. Until they go and experience it first hand they will not know if it really is different feeling to them. Have you traveled somewhere and been warned about a behavior that is different in another country and it made you uneasy? Email me or leave a comment. I'd love to read what you have to share.
MannersMatter@gmail.com
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