Scott Egleston, a professional in the mental health field, has a therapy fable I want to share.
Once upon a time, a woman moved to a cave in the mountains to study with a guru. She wanted, she said, to learn everything there was to know. The guru supplied her with a stack of books and left her alone so she could study. Every morning, the guru returned to the cave to monitor the woman's progress. In his hand, he carried a heavy wooden cane. Each morning, he asked her the same question: "Have you learned everything there is to know yet?" Each morning, her answer was the same. "No." she said, "I haven't." The guru would then strike her over the head with his cane.
This scenario repeated itself for months. One day the guru entered the cave, asked the same question, heard the same answer, and raised his cane to hit her in the same way, but the woman grabbed the cane from the guru, stopping his assault in midair.
Relieved to end the daily batterings but fearing reprisal, the woman looked up at the guru. To her surprise, the guru smiled. "Congratulations," he said, "you have graduated. You now know everything you need to know."
"How is that?" the woman asked.
"You have learned that you will never learn everything there is to know," he replied. "And you have learned how to stop the pain."
What do you need to do to gain control of your life and stop the pain?
Tuesday, September 28, 2010
Monday, September 27, 2010
Etiquette Today and History
The set of manners we think of as etiquette today are things such as, saying please and thank you. Taking our hat off when at the table. Not reading other people's mail. Helping to clear the table. Remembering to introduce our friends. Etiquette, or manners, guide us through all of our activities. Each one is like a tool to help us get along. And just as with all tools, we need to learn how to use them. It takes lots of practice.
Do you want to know the history behind the word etiquette? I did some research about 7 years ago when I was asked to speak at a luncheon for the Connecticut Daughter's of the American Revolution. I did all sorts of research I will share later, but this is a interesting tid bit.
Back in eighteenth-century France, King Louis XIV used to invite people to his palace for parties and festivals. However, he became really upset when people walked all over the lawns and gardens, squishing the grass and stomping on flowers. So before the next party, he called in his gardener to talk about this problem. They decided to put up little signs everywhere saying: Please don't walk on the flowers! Stay on the path. Be careful of the roses. The signs guided the guest so they would know where it was okay to walk and where it wasn't. The word in French for the little signs was "etiquette." Over time the word "etiquette" came to mean all the little signs that help us know what to do in new and different situations. And, in even more time, etiquette came to mean all the things we do to help us get along better with those we meet in out daily lives.
My new website and materials are for you. They will tell you the manners you need to know and how to use them. I will let you know when these are available.
Do you want to know the history behind the word etiquette? I did some research about 7 years ago when I was asked to speak at a luncheon for the Connecticut Daughter's of the American Revolution. I did all sorts of research I will share later, but this is a interesting tid bit.
Back in eighteenth-century France, King Louis XIV used to invite people to his palace for parties and festivals. However, he became really upset when people walked all over the lawns and gardens, squishing the grass and stomping on flowers. So before the next party, he called in his gardener to talk about this problem. They decided to put up little signs everywhere saying: Please don't walk on the flowers! Stay on the path. Be careful of the roses. The signs guided the guest so they would know where it was okay to walk and where it wasn't. The word in French for the little signs was "etiquette." Over time the word "etiquette" came to mean all the little signs that help us know what to do in new and different situations. And, in even more time, etiquette came to mean all the things we do to help us get along better with those we meet in out daily lives.
My new website and materials are for you. They will tell you the manners you need to know and how to use them. I will let you know when these are available.
Etiquette Today and History
The set of manners we think of as etiquette today are things such as, saying please and thank you. Taking our hat off when at the table. Not reading other people's mail. Helping to clear the table. Remembering to introduce our friends. Etiquette, or manners, guide us through all of our activities. Each one is like a tool to help us get along. And just as with all tools, we need to learn how to use them. It takes lots of practice.
Do you want to know the history behind the word etiquette? I did some research about 7 years ago when I was asked to speak at a luncheon for the Connecticut Daughter's of the American Revolution. I did all sorts of research I will share later, but this is a interesting tid bit.
Back in eighteenth-century France, King Louis XIV used to invite people to his palace for parties and festivals. However, he became really upset when people walked all over the lawns and gardens, squishing the grass and stomping on flowers. So before the next party, he called in his gardener to talk about this problem. They decided to put up little signs everywhere saying: Please don't walk on the flowers! Stay on the path. Be careful of the roses. The signs guided the guest so they would know where it was okay to walk and where it wasn't. The word in French for the little signs was "etiquette." Over time the word "etiquette" came to mean all the little signs that help us know what to do in new and different situations. And, in even more time, etiquette came to mean all the things we do to help us get along better with those we meet in out daily lives.
My new website and materials are for you. They will tell you the manners you need to know and how to use them. I will let you know when these are available.
Do you want to know the history behind the word etiquette? I did some research about 7 years ago when I was asked to speak at a luncheon for the Connecticut Daughter's of the American Revolution. I did all sorts of research I will share later, but this is a interesting tid bit.
Back in eighteenth-century France, King Louis XIV used to invite people to his palace for parties and festivals. However, he became really upset when people walked all over the lawns and gardens, squishing the grass and stomping on flowers. So before the next party, he called in his gardener to talk about this problem. They decided to put up little signs everywhere saying: Please don't walk on the flowers! Stay on the path. Be careful of the roses. The signs guided the guest so they would know where it was okay to walk and where it wasn't. The word in French for the little signs was "etiquette." Over time the word "etiquette" came to mean all the little signs that help us know what to do in new and different situations. And, in even more time, etiquette came to mean all the things we do to help us get along better with those we meet in out daily lives.
My new website and materials are for you. They will tell you the manners you need to know and how to use them. I will let you know when these are available.
Saturday, September 25, 2010
Rules To Regard
These are a few "rules" to help guide you when you are dining out or feel a tad insecure with your dining surroundings. Please don't pressure yourself to be perfect when you are dining. Being comfortable with yourself is more important than following these guidelines. If you find you are in a sticky situation or unsure, just recall these suggestions and feel me beside you whispering them in your ear with a wink and a smile. If you want to adopt one rule or all of these rules, be my guest. But most importantly, relax and enjoy.
As soon as you are seated, place your napkin in your lap.
Wait to begin eating until the hostess takes the first bite. Also follow her lead when in doubt about which utensil to use.
Once you pick up a piece of flatware, never place it back on the table; rest it on your plate. Leave the knife at upper plate edge with blade toward the plate. Leave the fork centered on the plate.
Never butter a whole piece of bread at one time; instead, break off a bite-sized piece, butter; and eat it. Biscuits are an exception.
Remove olive pits or any seed from your mouth with the same utensil you used to eat the food.
For formal service, present a served dinner plate at the left of the recipient; remove plates from the right.
For family-style service, pass food around the table to the right.
When passing salt and pepper; place the shakers or mills on the table rather than handing them directly to the person requesting them. And always pass both salt and pepper; even if only one is requested.
Place your knife and fork together at the "3:15" position on your plate to signal that you've finished your meal.
At the end of the meal as you leave the table, place your napkin on the table, not in your chair or on your plate.
oh...and in America, we don't burp to show our satisfaction for the good meal... Cheers!
As soon as you are seated, place your napkin in your lap.
Wait to begin eating until the hostess takes the first bite. Also follow her lead when in doubt about which utensil to use.
Once you pick up a piece of flatware, never place it back on the table; rest it on your plate. Leave the knife at upper plate edge with blade toward the plate. Leave the fork centered on the plate.
Never butter a whole piece of bread at one time; instead, break off a bite-sized piece, butter; and eat it. Biscuits are an exception.
Remove olive pits or any seed from your mouth with the same utensil you used to eat the food.
For formal service, present a served dinner plate at the left of the recipient; remove plates from the right.
For family-style service, pass food around the table to the right.
When passing salt and pepper; place the shakers or mills on the table rather than handing them directly to the person requesting them. And always pass both salt and pepper; even if only one is requested.
Place your knife and fork together at the "3:15" position on your plate to signal that you've finished your meal.
At the end of the meal as you leave the table, place your napkin on the table, not in your chair or on your plate.
oh...and in America, we don't burp to show our satisfaction for the good meal... Cheers!
Saturday, September 18, 2010
Sticky Life Moments
I am no stranger to sticky situations.
I personally could fill massive rems of paper with the cringeworthy foibles. There was the time when my good friend in high school slept with my boyfriend - because I wouldn't (and then I was left to decided whether I needed to uninvite her from my sweet sixteen party). Or the time I angered a group of very liberal political - and - hormonal - women with my advice on breast-feeding (I believe that whether a woman chooses to breast-feed is up to her and no one else).
I have found humor is often the best way to deal with an uncomfortable predicament, and of course time heals many wounds. But sometimes a girl needs to be told exactly what to do in a difficult situation. That is where this blog comes in.
You know that moment when you just want to scream, "Help"?
When you wish you could light a flare and wait for an airplane full of Coast Guard studs to shimmy down from a helicopter and rescue you? We all know sometimes a girl just has to face things on her own. But what if she just... can't?
I hope you will visit when you are pulling your hair out, screaming like a banshee, blubbering with frustration, or hyperventilating in to a panic because you just don't know what to do.
Fear not; no problem is too big-or too small- for you. This is the place to turn when you have nowhere to turn, or are simply too embarrassed to turn anywhere (publicly). A place that answers the sorts of question you'd only feel comfortable posing to your best friend, but which only your mom, or grandma, or gynecologist, or cleaning lady - okay, any woman who secretly intimidates the hell out of you - knows the answer to.
We are in a country of procrastinators but also live in a culture of prevention. Take your vitamins! Do your sit-ups! What a lethal combination. This contradiction between nature and culture leads to lots of everyday emergencies we don't feel qualified to handle, because we are supposed to have prevented them in the first place! So we panic.
The good news is this: Most hideous predicaments are not the end of the world. This blog is not meant to replace responsible behavior but to be a stack of get-out-of-jail-free cards for the deserving gal with the best intentions and a moment of bad luck.
I personally could fill massive rems of paper with the cringeworthy foibles. There was the time when my good friend in high school slept with my boyfriend - because I wouldn't (and then I was left to decided whether I needed to uninvite her from my sweet sixteen party). Or the time I angered a group of very liberal political - and - hormonal - women with my advice on breast-feeding (I believe that whether a woman chooses to breast-feed is up to her and no one else).
I have found humor is often the best way to deal with an uncomfortable predicament, and of course time heals many wounds. But sometimes a girl needs to be told exactly what to do in a difficult situation. That is where this blog comes in.
You know that moment when you just want to scream, "Help"?
When you wish you could light a flare and wait for an airplane full of Coast Guard studs to shimmy down from a helicopter and rescue you? We all know sometimes a girl just has to face things on her own. But what if she just... can't?
I hope you will visit when you are pulling your hair out, screaming like a banshee, blubbering with frustration, or hyperventilating in to a panic because you just don't know what to do.
Fear not; no problem is too big-or too small- for you. This is the place to turn when you have nowhere to turn, or are simply too embarrassed to turn anywhere (publicly). A place that answers the sorts of question you'd only feel comfortable posing to your best friend, but which only your mom, or grandma, or gynecologist, or cleaning lady - okay, any woman who secretly intimidates the hell out of you - knows the answer to.
We are in a country of procrastinators but also live in a culture of prevention. Take your vitamins! Do your sit-ups! What a lethal combination. This contradiction between nature and culture leads to lots of everyday emergencies we don't feel qualified to handle, because we are supposed to have prevented them in the first place! So we panic.
The good news is this: Most hideous predicaments are not the end of the world. This blog is not meant to replace responsible behavior but to be a stack of get-out-of-jail-free cards for the deserving gal with the best intentions and a moment of bad luck.
Wednesday, September 15, 2010
Enjoying Everyday Gifts
The silhouettes of trees or buildings against the colorful sky sometimes brings me to tears. To me, it's amazing. This picture was taken with my camera on my phone, it just does not even begin to show what was really going on in the sky. It really cannot capture what was going on with me as I stood in awe.
Every night I explain to my kids that when the day ends and the sun goes down the earth cools. The atmosphere wants to start regulating the temperature so the breezes start. The colors we see are from air pollution, particles and moisture. The bright colors and the breeze that blow can all be explained scientifically, but the question that still hangs in the air...Why? Why does this beauty happen every night and touches us so deeply to soon fade. If we don't stop and enjoy we miss it. When I find people who are too busy and choose to miss out on life's simple beauty, it speaks volumes to me about their priorities and personality.
Please stop and watch, feel, breathe in the beauty around you.
Monday, September 13, 2010
Toxic People
From the blog of: Life isn't for the faint at heart.
A crucial element of effectively caring for ourselves is the development and application of discernment in our relationships. Unfortunately, many of us maintain relationships with people who drain our energy, resources, confidence, joy and/or dreams. These light-thieves show up as friends, family members, business partners, co-workers and even people in our spiritual community.
A crucial element of effectively caring for ourselves is the development and application of discernment in our relationships. Unfortunately, many of us maintain relationships with people who drain our energy, resources, confidence, joy and/or dreams. These light-thieves show up as friends, family members, business partners, co-workers and even people in our spiritual community.
My New Favorite Quote
The best job goes to the person who can get it done without passing the buck or coming back with excuses. Napoleon Hill
Saturday, September 11, 2010
How Do You Stay Calm When Faced With The Unexpected?
Facebook Questions and Comments from Community
Full Names, links and faces have been removed to protect the privacy of the "Manners Matter" community members.
Full Names, links and faces have been removed to protect the privacy of the "Manners Matter" community members.
Monday, September 6, 2010
Wearing White After Labor Day
This is what the "Wise Geek" has to say about it. www.wisegeek.com
In many parts of the United States, a rule about not wearing white after Labor Day, which takes place on the first Monday in September, is heavily ingrained. The roots of the idea that people should not wear white afterLabor Day appear to be shrouded in mystery, and the rule has been greatly relaxed since the 1950s and 1960s, when it was more heavily enforced. People who choose to wear white after Labor Day are no longer heavily criticized for the choice, and are sometimes embraced as fashion forward trendsetters.
The most common confusion about the rule which forbids people to wear white after Labor Day is what garments, exactly, are involved. Originally, the restriction applied only to white dress shoes and pumps, which are unsuitable for winter weather anyway. At some point, the rule was extended to white clothing, but it was in fact always acceptable to wear “winter white” clothing in cream and other off-white colors. Winter brides have also always been allowed to wear whatever they please.
There are several theories about the the rule which governs people who wear white after Labor Day. The first and most sensible is that it reminded people not to wear summer weight clothing during the Winter. It may be tempting to don a pair of light pumps in the crisp weather of early fall, but changing weather can make it an unwise decision. By not wearing white shoes after Labor Day, people can ensure that they don't end up with soiled, cold shoes. It is also conceivable that the the rule not to wear white after Labor Day was adopted as part of a larger movement to “educate” the nouveau riche. Older society families were concerned about the fashion etiquette of more recent additions, and established a complex code of fashion rules to guide them.
Whatever the origins of the idea, restrictions on people who wear white after Labor Day appear to be outmoded except in very traditional society. Many fashion designers offer white as part of their fall and winter lines, often in stunning pieces. In warmer areas of the United States such as Hawaii and Florida, white is also a more acceptable color to wear year round, since unfavorable winter weather is not as much of an issue.
Like many other seemingly idiosyncratic fashion rules, the reasoning behind the ban on wearing white afterLabor Day has probably faded from the public mind. For most people, it is safe to wear white after Labor Day, although they may want to consider wearing the color in moderation. In inclement weather, a more sensible color which does not show stains or water is advised. Otherwise, wear white after Labor Day as often as you like.
What is your opinion?
Thursday, September 2, 2010
Have You Found Anything That Has Changed Your Life?
Have you found anything that has changed your life and helped you touch the lives of others?
What Song Do You Have In Your Head Right Now?
What song do you have in your head right now? For some reason I have the theme from Brother Bear, "Tell Everybody I'm On My Way..."
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