Sunday, August 7, 2011

Napkin Placement Mystery Solved

Napkins placement can create internal battles within our heads and when you ask for other people's opinion then problems sometimes surface on a personal basis of who is correct.  When setting the table, first of all relax, it really can be fun.  Second, there are some simple etiquette "rules" to follow.  (Etiquette, remember is a guide to help us along and to make our guests feel at ease.)

Don't you worry...I'm here to aid you in this decision.  

I prefer to set the napkin in the center of the plate, with a nice napkin ring.  Many people like to place the napkin in the water goblet, but after breaking a friend's Tiffany crystal stemware trying to remove it, I now try to spare guests of mine - and my fine crystal - the same fate.

After you remove your napkin from the ring, place the napkin on your lap and the ring to the left of your plate.  After you have finished your meal and get up to leave the table, you can place the napkin to the left of your plate, or once your plate has been removed, you can place it where your plate had been, but not back in the napkin ring.  However, it's proper etiquette to leave your napkin on your lap until you get up from the table...even if you're finished eating.  If everyone stays at the table and chats after the meal, it is considered rude to have your dirty napkin in sight.

Don't have napkin rings on hand?  Here's how to fold one like a pro:

Fold the napkin into a triangle.  Fold in the two bottom corners one quarter of the way.  Fold both of the corners over one another so they meet in the middle.  Fold the top point down and flip the napkin over, and you have a chic envelop shape.  You can leave it as is, or insert your silverware, a pretty flower, or chopsticks if you're serving an Asian menu.

Did these tips make it simple for you?  Let me know if you have any questions. I also have LOTS of other napkin folds I will be thrilled to share with you.  This was my hobby growing up whenever my mother entertained.  It's fun table origami to me.

Saturday, August 6, 2011

Table Setting Savvy Part 2

The last post I wrote about "Setting the Mood" before the guest arrived.  This post is where all of those glasses, plates, and cutlery items are placed to make a pretty table. 

Traditionally, cutlery is laid smallest to largest, working toward the plate.  Forks go to the left of the plate, spoons and knives to the right.  The exception are the dessert fork and spoon, which go above the plate, spoon on top.  There is a great debate among my friends as to whether you should put out the full set of cutlery even if you don't need it (i.e., a salad fork if there is no salad).  My feeling is, put out whatever you think a guest might use (who knows, she might want to cut her rigatoni with a knife).  But skip anything that will lead a guest to think a course is coming that isn't.  (I once left a dinner party extremely hungry, thinking, given the plethora of forks, that the entree was the appetizer.)

Place the water goblet right above the tip of the knife, and set the wineglasses slightly in front of the water. For more formal parties, preset for as many different types of wines or champagne as you plan to serve.

Next Blog post will be the ins and outs of napkins.

Rebecca Mannerly tip:  Remember that all food and drinks should be served on each diner's right (that's why the glasses are all on the right), and cleared from each diner's left.

Setting the Mood

I've found that if my guests walk into a nicely set room, it puts them in a good mood and makes them feel pampered - before they've even had a bite.

Table-Setting Savvy

When you're throwing a dinner party, think of your table as the gift-wrapping and your food as the gift.  You want to give your guests a knockout visual presentation so they get excited about tucking into the delicious spread you've prepared.  But all you really need to pull off the effects is a runner for a semiformal dinner (you and your guests are wearing jeans and a cute top) or a fabric tablecloth for a formal one (everyone's asked to wear cocktail attire).

If you don't have a runner (which is basically just a long strip of fabric laid down the center of your table), a quick makeshift idea is to use a long scarf.  I've even used a black brocade scarf of my grandmother's before.  Another option is to run a row of fabric place mats down your table.  With your flowers and olive oils and other small dishes on top of them, no one will notice they're not all one piece.

For a formal table, splurge on a tablecloth.  White is always a safe bet because it won't clash with your plates or food.  But don't worry about getting the finest quality.  What's more important is that it's ironed and crisp-looking.  If you'd sooner have your teeth drilled than iron, send out your napkins and tablecloth to be pressed.

A truly formal setting implies having all of your cutlery, dishes and glassware already on the table at the beginning of the meal.  What I like about this - whether I'm actually serving a formal meal or not - is that not only does it pass the Miss Manners test, but as the hostess you don't find yourself scrambling for more glasses during the meal.

More on the placement of each cutlery, dishes and glasses in next blog.

Rebecca Mannerly tip:  Forget which side to put the bread plate and which side to put your drinking glasses?  Make an "okay" sign with both hands - you'll see that your left hand makes a "b" for bread, and your right hand makes a "d" for drink.  Easy!

Saturday, July 9, 2011

Hospitality Begins At Home

Use hospitality one to another without grudging.  1 Peter 4:9

Why is it always easier to extend the courtesies of hospitality to those outside our immediate families?  Husbands, relatives, children, or strangely enough their friends often receive short end of our kind attention.  This point was brought forcibly home to my friend and me by her daughter, who cleverly exclaimed before a roomful of guests, "Mommy, why aren't you this nice to us when people aren't here?"

Hospitality, like charity, in order to be true, has to begin at home.  When we are humiliated enough through comments of our children that we have been forced to examine our attitudes toward them.  Did it count, all this gracious open-house business, if we act like a hellion the hour before company arrives?  Wasn't there something hypocritical about receiving laurels for our charity work if our own children's friends are neglected?  Isn't there a glaring inconsistency if we really treat our children differently when outsiders are around?  Through the years I have come to an understanding of the use of hospitality as a gift.  But am I really giving to my own?

A woman can't be perfect in everything, can she?  Yet telltale marks had been imprinted on my own heart by the timely reading of the Scriptures:  If you give even a cup of cold water to a little child...anyone who takes care of a little child is caring for God who sent Me.

Family, What's That?

The very existence and presence of my children make home a pleasure for me.  When I've come home tired, only to open the door and hear their feet running toward me and feel their warm arms encircle my legs, I've thanked God for their life.  They loved me without noticing when my outfit needs accessories, my hair needs attention, or I had a run in my stocking.  They never noticed when my face was badly in need of some fresh make-up; they just loved me the way I was.
The pleasure of belonging to a family is a treasure indeed.  Each person needs a place where he or she belongs.  That is a natural need for every human being.  You and I gravitate to a place that we can call our own, a place where we can hang our hat, where we can live in privacy.  Where I can be me!  We naturally are pulled toward a person or group of persons whom we can trust and where we are accepted as we really are.  This, then, is the joy of belonging to a family:  We can relax in a private place, whether it is a tent or a tower, a condominium, a cottage, or a castle, with people who love us as we are.

Tuesday, May 10, 2011

The Party Wardrobe

There was a time when "we're not dressing" meant "black tie instead of white".  Now if you clue your guests this way, they're as likely to turn up in undress-blue-jeans as in dinner-jackets.  More likely they will call confused and wonder what kind of party you are hosting.

As a host,  you have no problem of deciding what to wear.  You issued the invitations - and if the clothes were to be different than the usual clothes for your community for that time of the day and year, you said so.

In a word, wear what your guest expect you to wear.  Don't embarrass them by outdressing them; they may feel that they haven't given your party the importance you expected it to have.  But don't under-dress, or you imply a lack of effort for a party they took quite seriously.

You know your community - and the clothing for Friday night chez vous are quite different in New York City than they are, say, in Southern California.  (Who said, "Thank goodness!")

And you know your friends.  If a particular, successful manufacturer hates and resents white shirts and ties in off-business hours, tell his wife when you invite him to anything but your Opera Ball, "Have Bo wear a sports shirt, of course," and follow the cue yourself.  On the other hand, you work a hardship when you suggest a sports jacket to an Eastern-bred city-ite who feels it disrespectful to his hostess (albeit a suburban one) to appear for dinner in less than a dark suit and white shirt.

The best way to out-guess both sides of this problem is the way these gentlemen dress when they entertain at home.  And the obvious moral, if you want both to be comfortable, is - never invite them to the same dinner-party.

Entertain the Non-drinkers

To entertain non-drinkers, all you need is a fruit juice for cocktail-time, a soft drink for hard-drinking time.  But to be a perfect host, you need some rare-to-come by think equipment.

Think how YOU would feel if while on the wagon, you were constantly urged to have "just one."  As a host, never make a point of abstinence.  Include "tomato juice" on the list you rattle off in your "What'll you have?" speech.  Serve them in glasses no different from those of the other guest.  So the non-drinker will know, at the onset, that their "foibles" are not going to inconvenience you.  Restrain yourself from the I-wish-I-had-your-courage false admiration.  In other words, leave alone!
For the special case, ulcers, for instance, milk is usually in order.  Just plain milk, without a dash of sympathy.  A glass of milk on a tray of martinis can seldom enter the room without bringing forth the "little mother" type remarks, but if you get into the act with a dead-pan, "Here's your milk punch," at least you leave it up to the ulcerous unfortunate as to whether of not he wants to give his case history.  Even if he's hardened to the razzing, he'll appreciate your considerate try to spare him his 10,000 discussion on Ulcers and How I Got One.
Aside from fruit juices, ginger ale, cola and other soda pops, about the only classic teetotaler's tipple you might need is the:

Horse's Neck
Peel the whole rind of a lemon, in one spiraling piece.  Place it in a tumbler, with one end hanging over the top.  Add 2 cubes of ice, a dash of bitters, then fill the tumbler with ginger ale,

or the

Mom Collins
When your other guest are drinking Toms, make the same for your dry friends - leaving out the gin.

Saturday, March 26, 2011

Shall We Fight? Thirteen Ways To Test A Friendship

Shall We Fight?  # 4 of 13 Ways to Test a Friendship

4.  Success

Problem  You get engaged to a honey-colored diving instructor, lose five pounds, and are offered a job as Liam Neeson't personal masseuse in Paris.  Suddenly two very close girlfriends are "busy or away from their desk"  when you call.  It hurts you not to be able to revel in your good news; it hurts them to even think about it.

Solutions  Share your great news but with sensitivity, and don't let it overshadow the events in the lives of your friends.  If you inspire the odd prickle of jealousy, perhaps you're boasting unduly (good fortune can make us momentarily oblivious).  True friends stick by you on the ascent as well as the descent in life.  They keep you real.

Shall We Fight? Thirteen Ways To Test A Friendship

Number Three of Thirteen

Rivalry

Problem  You work together, inspire each other, fire off work-relevant emails, share contacts, ideas, and even the same personal trainer.  You also watch each other like hawks for chinks in the armor and responses from your professional peers.  Under the surface of all this camaraderie are two women competing like crazy.

Solution  Sometimes admiration between peers slides into something altogether more cutthroat.  There is a difference between egging each other on and naked rivalry.  If work and friendship are bleeding into each other too aggressively, take steps to revive the interest you share outside the office.  If that fails, ask yourself what this friendship is really based on.

Shall We Fight? Thirteen Ways To Test A Friendship

Shall We Fight?

Number two of the thirteen ways to test a friendship

Problem  You made it to her wedding but missed the vows, you e-mail her needed resume advice only hours before the interview, you phone three times on a Sunday to say, "I'll be there soon,"  but it's dusk by the time you arrive with the croissants.

Solution  Being dependable is more important than anything else you have to give a friendship.  Respect your friend's time by not claiming it.  Simply stop making plans you can't meet and be superdiligent about keeping your word.

Friday, March 25, 2011

Shall We Fight? Thirteen Ways To Test A Friendship

1.  Problem:  You call your closes confidante for a light-hearted chat that deteriotes into a massive gripe about your commitment-phobic emotional bonsai of an ex-husband, the hairdresser who gave you squirrel-colored highlights, your aging spaniel who's incontinent, and the fact that Clinique has discontinued Rich & Raspy Red and...

Solution:  Sooner or later even the most patient friend will develop a whine allergy if all you do is use her as a sounding board.  Before you call up your best friend for a massive rambling kvetch, count to seventy-five.  Make a list of possible solutions, then make a cup of tea.  Doesn't that feel better?

Being a Woman

Being a woman brings many responsibilities.  There is the job, motherhood, being a daughter, a lover and a friend.  There are demands within these responsibilities and outside them.  Have you ever taken the time to list the things that you are responsible for in your life?  The things that keep your personality spunky and your womanhood desirable?

I have just a few ideas I'm going to list below, comment or email me any more that you might add.

We women think about our Balance, Strength, Well-Being and a killer wardrobe.  Womanhood is about solitude.  It's about stain removal.  It's about beauty, and what to do when feeling blue.  It's about attitude and atomizers, stock funds and stockings that match.  It's about life - your life and how to get it together.  It's about being smart, funny, refreshing, down-to-earth.  It's writing your own survival guide.  It's health, dating, money, career moves, style, sex, nutrition, responsibility, home decor, body image, friendships.  And, of course, we can't forget finding those indispensable three black dresses - one to seduce, one to succeed, one to slob out in.

What else is there?

Thursday, March 24, 2011

What's the main reason why you haven't achieved your goals in the past?


Take This Poll 

What's the main reason why you haven't achieved your goals in the past?

Basic Rule #1: What's in a name?

Good-bye, Notowidigeo.  Hello.  Sastroamidjojo.
At the U.S. State Department, foreign names are almost as crucial as foreign policy.  The social secretary to a former secretary of state recalls that even in the relatively unselfconscious 1950s, she put herself through a rigorous rehearsal of names before every affair of state.  Of all the challenges, she says, the ambassador from what was then Ceylon (now Sri Lanka) was the toughest.  After days of practicing "Ambassador Notowidigeo," she was informed that a new man had the job - and was on his way to be received.  "You'd be surprised how fast you can memorize Sastroamidjojo when you have to," she adds.
The first transaction between even ordinary citizens - and the first chance to make an impression for better or worse - is, of course, an exchange of names.  In America there usually is not very much to get wrong.  And even if you do, so what?
Not so elsewhere.  Especially in the Eastern Hemisphere, where name frequently denotes social rank or family status, a mistake can be an outright insult.  So can switching to a given name without the other person's permission, even when you thing the situation calls for it.
"What would you like me to call you?"  is always the opening line of one overseas deputy director for an international telecommunications corporation.  "Better to ask several times," he advises, "than to get it wrong."  Even then, "I err on the side of formality until asked to 'Call me Joe'.  Another frequent traveler insists his country by country, surnames underlined, to be memorized on the flight over.

Doing your homework and practicing people's names can save you embarrassment.

Story #3 One Country's Good Manners, Another's Grand Faux Pas

An account executive at an international data processing and electronics conglomerate.

Even in a country run by generals, would you believe a runny nose could get you arrested?

"A friend and I were coming into Colombia on business after a weekend in the Peruvian mountain touring Machu Picchu.  What a sight that had been.  And what a head cold the change in temperature had given my friend.  As we proceeded through Customs at the airport, he was wheezing and blowing into his handkerchief like an active volcano.  Next thing I knew, two armed guards were lockstepping him through the door.  I tried to intercede before the door slammed shut, but my spotty Spanish failed me completely.  Inside a windowless room with the guards, so did his.  He shouted in English.  They shouted in Spanish.  It was beginning to look like a bad day in Bogota when a Columbian woman who had seen what happened burst into the room and finally achieved some bilingual understanding.  It seems all that sniffling in the land of the infamous coca leaf had convinced the guards that my friend was waltzing through their airport snorting cocaine."

Study the culture well before going to visit.

Story # 2 of "One Country's Good Manners, is Another's Grand Faux Pas

Story #2:  An associate in charge of family planning for an international human welfare organization

The lady steps out in her dazzling new necklace and everybody dies laughing.  (Or what not to wear in Togo on a Saturday night.)

"From growing up in Cuba to joining the Peace Corps to my present work,  I've spent most of my life in the Third World.  So nobody should know better than I how to dress for it.  Certainly one of the silliest mistakes an outsider can make is to dress up in 'native' costume, whether it's a sari or a sombrero, unless you really know what you're doing.  Yet, in Togo, when I found some of the most beautiful beads I'd ever seen, it never occurred to me not to wear them.  While I was up-country, I seized the first grand occasion to flaunt my new find.  What I didn't know is that locally the beads are worn not at the neck but at the waist - to hold up a sort of loincloth under the skirt.  So, into the party I strutted, wearing around my neck what to every Togolese eye was part of a pair of underpants.

Study and ask locals about the items you purchase.

One Country's Good Manners is Another's Grand Faux pas

In Washington they call protocol "etiquette with a government expense account."  But diplomacy isn't just for diplomats.  How you behave in other people's countries reflects on more than you alone.  It also brightens - or dims - the image of where you come from and whom you work for.  The Ugly American about whom we used to read so much may be dead, but here and there the ghost still wobbles out of the closet.

What follows is from three American well-traveled readers.  Their stories tell how even an old pro can sometimes make the wrong move in the wrong place at the wrong time.

Story # 1:  A partner in one of New York's leading private banking firms

When the board chairman is Lo Win Hao, do you smile brightly and say "How do you do, Mr. Hao?" or "Mr. Lo"? Or "Mr. Win"?

"I traveled nine thousand miles to meet a client and arrived with my foot in my mouth.  Determined to do things right, I'd memorized the names of the key men I was to see in Singapore.  Now easy job, insomuch as the names all came in threes.  So, of course, I couldn't resist showing off that I'd done my homework.  I began by addressing top man Lo Win Hao with plenty of well-placed Mr. Hao's - and sprinkled the rest of my remarks with a Mr. Chee this and Mr. Woon that.  Great show.  Until a note was passed to me from one man I'd met before, in New York.  Bad news.  'Too friendly too soon, Mr. Long', it said.  Where diffidence is next to godliness, there I was, calling a roomful of VIP's in effect, Mr. Ed and Mr. Charlie.  I'd remembered everybody's name - but forgotten that in Chinese the surname comes first and the given name last."

Wednesday, March 23, 2011

Do's and Taboos Around the World

My parents are going to visit Iceland this May.  That got me thinking about the protocol of that country.  I did some research and found this:

In Iceland
General Protocol:
Service charges are included in restaurant bills and tipping is considered an insult.

Names and Greetings:
Icelanders use first names among themselves, but they expect foreigners to use their last name and will use last names when speaking to foreigners.  In many cases they will soon go over to using first names.

Appointments and Punctuality:
Business appointments are not usually necessary, as a tradition of "dropping in" prevails.  Punctuality is not a must.

Hospitality and Gift Giving:
It is common, but not compulsory, to take a small gift for the host or hostess when you are invited to a meal.

These are interestingly different behaviors than in America.  Until they go and experience it first hand they will not know if it really is different feeling to them.  Have you traveled somewhere and been warned about a behavior that is different in another country and it made you uneasy?  Email me or leave a comment.  I'd love to read what you have to share.

MannersMatter@gmail.com

Wednesday, January 26, 2011

#3 Keep the Main Spring Flowing:

Use only the best ingredients: "The Best" liquor for a drink is not necessarily the most expensive; it's the one that you think the most agreeable.  The best ice for any drink is plentiful, clear and brilliant.  Keep ice maker scrupulously clean; and if your ice still looks cloudy, consider using ice cube trays with filtered water.
Use only exact measurements:  Pouring by eye introduces variables even for pros.  Measure so you can repeat your successes exactly.  Measure for only one round at a time.  And don't confuse generosity with hospitality:  a reliable 2 ounces is smarter than a freehand pour.
Line up the tools before mixing a drink:  Set up all ingredients before beginning to mix.  A drink that languishes in the shaker while you round up a glass or garnish, is a drink bruised.  For quick pouring, have glasses lined up rim to rim.
Use pre-chilled glasses:  Drinks that start cold should stay cold, which means pre-chilled glasses of the proper size and shape.  (The function of a stem is to keep warm hands off cold but iceless drinks.)  When you haven't time to refrigerate them in advance, fill glasses with crushed ice and let them shiver while you mix the drinks.  Then; dip ice, wipe glasses, pour drink.
Further fine points on making particular types of drinks are:
One-The-Rocks:  Crack the ice a little (those extra surfaces will help chill the liquor faster).  Then, before putting ice in glasses, drain it of excess water; a strainer slung across the ice bucket does it.  Ice in glass, then liquor; a jostle, not a stir, to hurry cooling.
In A Pitcher:  Pre-chill pitcher.  Use plenty of slightly cracked, drained ice.  Measure ingredients quickly onto ice; swirl or stir only until cold.  Strain pronto!
In A Shaker:  Use cracked ice, small pieces drained of excess water.  Really shake; don't merely rock.  Ten seconds of shaking will add about half an ounce of water per drink so hurry.
In A Punchbowl:  Pre-chill ingredients to avoid excessive dilution.  Dissolve sugar first, partly fill bowl, ease in ice block, pour punch over.
In A Blender:  Any drink recipe that says "shake and strain" may be made in an electric blender, but the ice tends to liquefy, so use less and run the motor the shortest possible time.  Follow manufactures' instructions about crushing the ice before adding it to the blender in order not to bend the blades.  Most blenders will not crush ice.
For Frappes:  Strain the drink of its shaker or blender ice onto fresh, fine-shaved, non-puddling ice in cold glasses.
With Carbonated Mix:  Ice first, liquor over, then cold mixer.  Stir gently to preserve sparkle with glass.
With Sugar:  Use extra-fine granulated sugar.  This, and not confectioners' sugar, is what bar books mean by "powdered" sugar.  When mixing in a glass, make sure sugar is completely dissolved in a bit of liquid before you add the ice and liquor.  To make it, dissolve one pound of granulated sugar in one-half pint of warm water; store it in bottles in a cool place.
To "sugar-frost" the rim of a glass, dip the rim of a pre-cooled glass first in fruit juice, then in sugar.
With Egg:  To avoid the raw taste of egg white, use less of it.  To avoid the curdly shreds that too often ruin a Tom and Jerry, or any drink make with hot liquid and egg, first warm the egg with a very little bit of the hot stuff, then add the warmed egg to the hot milk or water.  In both operations, add slowly, stir wildly.
With Fruit:  Wash skins first if they're to go into a drink.  The peel should have no trace of white underskin;  a paring gadget makes this easy.  Slices should be about a quarter-inch thick; slit with knife before slinging on glass rim. Juices should be fresh except when recipe says otherwise; squeeze and strain just before using.  All garnishes should be moist-fresh and cold.  When prepared in advance, cover with a damp dish towel, and store in the refrigerator.

Friday, January 21, 2011

How To Make Your Parties Run Like Clockwork

What follows is #2 of the 17 Jewel, clockwork planning:

2.  Make the invitation crystal clear:
Whether you invite people by telephone, by note, by evite or computer e-card, or in person (all correct for all but formal affairs) be sure to make the following specific:  the place, the date, the hour or span of hours, and the kind of party.  (People want to know particularly if you are going to feed them or if they should make other plans for the meal that might conceivable fall into these hours.)  Add, unless this can be safely taken for granted, the appropriate dress.
You would not, we hope, say, "Come take pot luck," when you knew very well you were going to have a dressy crowd and a caterer.  Nor would you lead your friends to get all duked up if you knew that you were going to be tie-less and the other guests were coming straight from the golf course.  Ignorance is not bliss, particularly for women, so give them a straight steer with your invitation.
The word you use, of course, means a lot:  with "supper" you suggest a buffet, probably large and late, where "dinner" means a sit-down meal at a prescribed hour.  "Tea" means what it says, and guests are adequately warned.  In very formal circles, "We're not dressing," means quite opposite to the normal mind; it means black tie instead of white.  There's no code word for blue jeans, so give direct clue and live up to it yourself.
Your invitations should be out at least a week before the event - two weeks if you expect replies.  Three weeks is not too far in advance for large parties or busy seasons, but, except for a wedding, for weeks' notice has all the vise-marks of a bear trap.

What Follows is 17 Jewels: How to Make your Parties Run Like Clockwork

What follows is 17 jewel, clockwork planning:

1.  Balance the Guest List Minutely:

To begin with, give yourself an even break on the company.  Invite only people you like and who will get along together.
For a small party, where the guest will have no escape from each other, it's vital that they have interest in common.  Therefore, they should not be too much alike.  They want stimulation, should complement, not compete with each other.  For this reason, stick to only one prima donna per small dinner table.
At a large party, you can relax with the invitation list if you will take a little more care with the on-the-spot matchings, and be alert to its pitch as the party progresses.  You can invite both the Republican and the leftist, if also you have two or three others whom each will enjoy: a fellow fisherman who won't mind a few political edicts; an attractive woman who will bring the subject around to her specialty when the atmosphere gets charged.  You stack the cards your way if every guest has at least one talkable interest in common with every other guest.
Having constructed this great and congenial guest-list, the next cog in the gears of good party-giving is to...

Wednesday, January 19, 2011

How To Make Your Parties Run Like Clockwork

Behind every perfect host and every perfect party is perfect planning...

Planning that starts with the guest list and ends with the umbrella that guides the last guest to their car.

Planning that anticipates a guest's needs before they do.

Planning that provides memorable food and drink as casually as if it were food for the gods.

Planning that permits a host to be so relaxed, that lets a party flow so naturally, that no one ever wonders what makes the wheels turn, only says, "What a good time I had!"

What follows is 17 jewel, clockwork planning:

Rules of Good Hostmanship

6.  Wind Up the Evening with an Individual Good-Night:
You started the party with a warm and personal welcome; now wind it up with a warm, personal good-bye.  Not a long doorway discussion, however.  So don't be guilty of a "that reminds me" just as you turn the door-handle.
If you live in an apartment, you should see your guest into the elevator, while your apartment door remains ajar.  If you've tipped the doorman, let your guest know that "Richie will see that you get a cab."
In the suburbs, you should see your guest to their cars and stand there until they drive from your property - whether or not you've over-coatless and freezing.
And whether you live in the city or the country, you must see that no woman has to go home alone, however she may insist that she is not afraid of the dark.  Either arrange in advance that she be dropped off by another person or couple, or ask her to stay so that you can see her home - leaving with, not after, the last guests.  In the rare instance where neither of these is possible, at least see her into a cab and telephone later to make sure she has arrived home safely.

Rules of Good Hostmanship

5.  No Clock-Watching Allowed
Even when the joint is out of time, etiquette says you must be tireless.  You are at the mercy of an overstaying guest.  And so long as they care to remain, you must appear delighted with their company and regretful when they leave.
Your invitation, it's true, set a now or never for departure, (well, at least "dinner" doesn't ordinarily mean "for the week-end") yet if some guests simply cannot end an evening, you must make the best of it - perhaps even be flattered.  While you may learn to refer casually to morning meetings, or lead up to gourmet discussions of breakfast, you must resist the temptation to close the bar, prepare black coffee, or yawn.

Rules of Good Hostmanship

4.  It's Central Standard Procedure to Stay Sober:
It is a hallmark of the perfect host that they enjoy their own party, but not too much.  Though they seem to be just another guest, they must never let their own drinking interfere with their navigation duties.  Of course, every person determines early in life how much liquor they can carry without losing their poise, equilibrium, reputation, and civil liberties, but their capacity-quotient is especially important, and possibly lowest, when they are host.  Watch for your own danger signals!

Rules of Good Hostmanship

3.  Be Sensitive to Your Guests' Sensitivities:
The perfect host protects their guests from themselves and from each other.  They spot boredom before it happens; they finger left-out-ness before it appears.  If one of your guests is shy or a stranger, or both, draft her as your assistant.  If she has something to pass or to do, the shy one will be forced out of her corner and become a part of the group in spite of herself.
The same technique sometimes works in breaking up cliques.  You can call one or two people out of an overtime conversation to select music and to pass hot tidbits (either food or gossip) then introduce new people to the old group.  This should start it ticking again.
You, of course, must avoid being caught in involved discussions or entangling alliances (no matter how charmingly she entangles) but unlike the guests, you can always break away with a simple, "excuse me."  And you must, for only by staying unattached, can you be alert to the guest who needs to be rescued.  You can no more stand by and let one guest be harassed by a salesman or insulted by a drunk, than you could let one guest beat up another.  Usually, you can extricate the helpless without offending the offender, but sometimes, in extreme cases, you must be rude to one in order to rescue the other.  As a host, you are responsible for whatever happens in your home. so ask not for whom the bell tolls, dear host, it tolls for thee.

Rules of Good Hostmanship

1.  Give Each Newcomer the Big Hand:
Your welcome is the Prime Meridian - the starting point from which to reckon the success of each party - so try to open the door yourself for each guest.  Shake hands with the woman if she offers to, then with the man.
If you have a friend or family member for the door, instruct him in advance as to what to say.  Their manner should be cordial but not familiar.
Then, be alert to greet the lastest guest personally, and to...

2.  Set Them Into the Group
At a small party, make the time to take the newcomer by the hand and introduce them to everyone.  At large informal parties, your porch is introduction enough for your friends, and it's a nuisance to everyone if you take each new guest on an introduction tour of the room.  You must take them far enough to get them into the whirl.  Either turn them over to someone they know in one of the groups and let that someone handle the local introductions, or introduce them to the first cluster of tongue-waggers you come to in a way that provides an opening gambit.  Then, having heard the conversation begin, find the new guest a drink pronto and head for the next arrival.

Once Upon a Time

Once Upon a Time when you wanted to give a party, you called Ye Olde Family Retainer and said, "Dinner for 12, please James."
But that was light-years ago.  Now when you want to give a party, it's on you.  You plan it; you shop for it; you cook it; and nine times out of ten, you serve it.
Now, entertaining has become very personal.  So that today you must know a lot about food and drink and etiquette, for your parties either make it or they don't on the strength of your hostmanship, your planning, and your mix of the vital elements.
The ready-made party plans in this blog will help you with all three, for they are tested go togethers that make entertaining easy, right around the clock from breakfast back to breakfast.  Of course, if they're not right for you, change them; they're just a take-off point.  If you hate chicken under glass, unglass the chicken and eat it under the bare blue sky.  If black-tie dinners of ten scare you, get comfortable and serve the food suggested for six before the fire.  The joy of today's entertaining at home is the chance it gives YOU to make each party your own - your style, which is after all the best style for you.
We said that much of your party-success depends on your hostmanship.
First, then, a warning:
On The Face Of It,  it seems that a warm spirit of hospitality is the major ingredients of good hostmanship.
But To Our Alarm we find that the famous "warm spirit of hospitality" can lead you astray.  It may drive you to urge your guest to make themselves at home - a pretty terrible thing to do to them since they can't, and they won't, and if they did you'd wish they hadn't.  It may force you to urge them to eat and drink and amused themselves to the point where they have no appetite for anything.  It may lead you to entertain people whose tastes and habits are completely different from yours.  And it may cause you to try to be something you are not.
In This Case I think the requirements for a good host are self-confidence, self-respect, and a clear idea of the affection for entertaining guest.
So now is the time for all to come to the aid of the party-spirit by learning these Rules of Good Hostmanship.