Living Alone

 Living alone can be the best time of your life or an existential nightmare depending on both your life skills and your outlook. Over ten years of living alone taught me the following survival prerequisites: 

* Make your house worth coming home to. Just 'cause no one can see your dishes doesn't mean you shouldn't wash them.

* Build an extensive library of mood music - this is the soundtrack to the movie of your life.

* Personalize your casa. This may be the last time you will be able to live with Marabou pillows and silk sheets.

* Budget your phone use. If you spend more than two hours on the phone or the web every night, ask yourself if you are truly learning to bear your own company. Try to put aside one night that is just with you, not reaching out but reaching in.

* Don't skimp on eating well. Cheerios eaten straight from the box is not dinner. Making the effort to cook solid, attractive food for one is not just a sign of self-esteem, it also keeps you in touch with civilization. Guest hate canned soup.

* Don't let your pets rule your life. Your loneliness might lead to dominatrix cat syndrome: a pet becoming more and more demanding and holding you hostage in your own home. If your pets are starting to keep you in, take them day-tripping to an outdoor cafe or a spot of window shopping. If your cats hisses at your dates and brings up fur balls of emotional blackmail, start thinking deeply about goldfish or plants.

* Always have at least three books you love next to the bed. Stash trashy biographies under worthier novels and art magazines for when guests drop in.

* Invest in the best Chinese satin pajamas and marabou slippers. The postman only knocks twice. :)

* Live safely. Bolts and deadlocks that work, neighbors you can trust, and windows that are adequately sealed from breakins and prying eyes are the basics. Additional precautions are simple touches like yelling good-bye when you leave the house (even if there's no one home), not leaving an overly detailed answering machine message ("Hi, I'll be away until..."), never reciting your personal details (phone number and address) over the counter at a bank or post office, never revealing your address over the Net, and being extra careful about anyone who knocks on your door, whether it's the pizza delivery boy or friendly Mormons.

* Respect yourself. Just because you can bring anyone home (no roommates, parents, or offspring listening in) doesn't mean you should. Once you get over the first flush of freedom, be selective (and safety minded) about who you fly home to your nest.


DO the crazy stuff that privacy permits:

*Watch four TiVo episodes of Mad Men back to back.

* Do your housework in a crochet bikini, an apron, and a tiara.

* Teach yourself to two-step and waltz with a broom.

* Floss with the bathroom door wide open.

* Memorize three Cole Porter songs word and pitch perfect.

* Read Proust and Peanuts.

* Sort through eight years' worth of black lace bras, love letters and lipsticks.

* Speak Italian to your plants.

* Take Polaroids of your breast for future generations to admire....:)

* Leap out of bed in the middle of the night with a brilliant idea, forget it on the way to the fridge, and build an even more brilliant sandwich.

* Do really icky beauty experiments that involve henna, raw foods, and clay mud.

* Play the sort of music guys hate at any hour.

* Allow yourself one soft toy or several.